Cinful Lifestyle Advice

I was just clearing out our mailbox – again – and saw, again, where one of the sites we belong to is letting us know one of our “friends” has signed on and suggesting that we sign on as well… like I feel like doing that and I realized that I have a particular reason for not doing as they suggested:  Chemistry and compatibility, or C&C, if you will.

The couple they told us about runs into a major wall with us because of the compatibility issue – she’s bisexual, he says he isn’t – that’s a problem.  Chemistry, eh, don’t worry too much about that because neither of us really needs a lot of incentive to have sex so anything else in this regard they might bring to the table is gravy but depending on some click to happen?  I’ve said that if I can’t get pumped up simply because I’m about to have sex, I need to be taken out and put out of my misery.

There are, however, many couples who dictate that if C&C isn’t met, the deal’s off.  Do you find this is the case with you as well?  One of the things I believe makes C&C such an issue is the dreaded feeling of taking one for the team; that’s where one (or both) of you wind up having sex but in a way ya really didn’t want to have it.  So, since mostly everyone wants to avoid being the one who has to take one, C&C requirements get tighter than a brand-new virgin and harder to get into as well.

A lot of deals don’t get made because of C&C; there might be chemistry but, well, they’re into some shit I’d rather not be bothered with… or we match up with them up and down the line… but no click, no pre-sex thrill one way or the other.  The email got me to wondering about something; just because C&C might not be satisfied, does it really mean that there can be no sex at all?

 

Holla!

I was cleaning out our joint mailbox, ya know, the one my baby and I use for playing and, of course, we’re getting regular emails from almost all of the sites.  One of them has started letting us know that our “friends” are logging on (like we really wanted to know that) and, sure, this is probably a cool way to get a member to log on to the site – but this is kinda about what I see when I get those emails and what thoughts cross my mind.

One pic is a nice back-shot of a woman, showing off her coochie and nice plump butt cheeks… and my mind automatically started thinking about how I’d approach fucking the woman in the picture  - and that got me thinking about something:  When the deal is done and it’s time to put up or shut up, how do you go about handling your business?

Do you get jiggy with your temporary partner in the same way you’d do your permanent one?  Do you try to get some “hint” of how they wanna be done, ya know, focusing on what they like, avoiding what they don’t like, or do ya “free-form” them, like, just doing whatever comes to your mind at that moment?

Sometimes, it can be really “hard” to fuck someone else’s man or woman in the life and more so in this “less talking, more fucking” mindset that permeates the lifestyle, which kinda leaves one at the mercy of their own devices… which might work… or not.  It’s OJT; it’s trying to solve a puzzle and you’ve not had a lot of time to study the pieces – but you’re required and expected to put that puzzle together in rather amazing ways.

Gods, it’s such a huge trust issue, huh?  I’ve been in that moment where it’s “put up or shut up” time and, well, I don’t know much about how this woman likes being boned and, for a moment or two, it makes me indecisive; do I just do what I know how to do or what?  I’ve heard so many swingers, when they talk about getting started, say that it’s easier to just go with the flow and that’s fine… provided you know which way the current’s gonna run to begin with.

To me, it’s like going to the local bar for a drink and the next thing you know, you’re in the no-tell motel with some chick and going for what you know.  It’s going in there “cold” – no prior knowledge and time isn’t going to allow for finding out anything other than her answer to, “You wanna fuck?”  It can be a bit of a downer to have to stop for a moment and ask, “Is there anything I shouldn’t be doing to you?” – that can spoil the moment interrupting the flow like that.  If she says, “Do what you know how to do and I’ll let you know if I don’t like it!” – that’s fine and, hopefully, you won’t devote any brain power to watching for anything she might not like.

You talk to some swingers, and they’ll tell you it’s so easy to get naked and start fucking other people you don’t really know like that.  Hell, some folks think that going in stone cold is what makes it all a lot of fun while others aren’t so much into leaping without looking.   But, let me ask you this…

So you’re gonna hook up with “Bruce” and “Ellen;” there’s some attraction/chemistry happening but, well, there’s a list of stuff on the “we don’t like” list for them.  It’s doesn’t make them unfuckable, mind you, but when there’s a list of can’t do stuff, do you find it limiting?  Challenging?  A pain in your ass that might get worse as the sex goes forward?  I dunno… maybe it’s just me but when I have to spend more time thinking about all the stuff I can’t do, I’m not paying much attention to what little stuff I can do and, well, that’s not a whole lot of fun for me and it’s certainly not gonna be fun for the other woman, either.

I was talking about this on my own blog and Cinnamon commented that she doesn’t like it when men over-think the sex and I’ve not forgotten this comment because, yeah, in this situation, some of us do tend to over-think the sex… and that’s probably because we can’t roll with the fucking as we would with our own woman.  Quite a few things here, beginning with respecting the other woman and respecting her man by not doing anything to her he doesn’t want you doing to her.  In this, you can’t really say that you should treat this woman like you treat your own woman because, um, some dudes treat their own woman like shit in the bed and respect for her be damned, right?

I’ve said, on quite a few occasions, that swingers insert so many things that can’t be done during sex that it makes me wonder how they’re getting laid in the life because if you can’t do what you do best, what’s the point of doing it at all?  If you’re gonna be protective of your woman – and you should be – but to the point where she’s not going to be able to enjoy the sex she wants to enjoy, again, what’s the point here?

Do these things just fuck up the way you want to roll?  Is it better to go in with a plan of action already in mind or to just go with the flow of the moment and then just do what comes naturally?  Should you be mindful not to offend the other couple by doing something that’s verboten – and, yeah, this can happen even if the rules have been laid down before the fact – or do you just throw caution to the wind because you’ve got this great vibe with the other person and you can sense that he/she wants you to go all out… when that’s really not allowed?

Holla at your boy…

As I was wading through and disposing of the spam our beloved site seems to collect, I was thinking about alternatives to swinging… other than bailing out and giving up on being sexually liberated.  It brought to mind a series of events that I’d have to say plunged me into polyamory… and on a dare at that.

It’s one thing to have an open relationship and having the freedom to, um, handle your business when the opportunities present themselves; it’s something else to have something “better” come along and not only close that open door but change sex and relationships as you know it… which is pretty much what happened to me.  The short “version” is that my wife (at the time) had a friend who became my friend and, well, I wanted to fuck her and wasn’t shy about letting her know it.  I didn’t give myself good odds about being able to actually lay some pipe to her but one of the cool things about being in an open relationship is that you can flirt and prowl to your heart’s content because, who knows, ya just might get lucky.

As it happened, a series of really fucked up things happened to our friend and she wound up living with us; wanting to fuck her aside, there was just no way we could let her be homeless and, since she had zero options or alternatives, she gladly took our invitation – then the shit got crazy one night.

We had just come in from bowling in our league – kicked some ass on the lanes – but our friend’s ex was putting pressure on her to come back home and she was torn between going back and being afraid of more abuse from her ex.  My wife “forced” her into the car with me and said, “Take her straight home – NOW!”  Okay, no real problem here although I wanted to kick her ex’s ass into the next state.  Eventually, we all got back home; our friend camped out on the sofa and I went upstairs to the bedroom with my wife.

My wife looked at me and said, “I need you to do something for me.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I need you to go downstairs and make love to Megan (not her real name).”

“Say what?”

The request sparked a very serious discussion and the short version was my wife saying to me, “What, you’re not man enough to handle both of us?”

Even though I suspected that I was being setup to be pranked, I went downstairs to Megan, who was lying on the sofa wide awake – and now wondering why I was there.

“I was sent down to do something,” I said, answering her unspoken question.

“Okay…” she said, her face showing her confusion (for lack of a better word).

For a long minute, I just stood there looking at her, trying to see if she was in on this joke I was sure was being played on me – then I shrugged inwardly… and started making love to her.

I had suspected that fucking Megan was going to be good and satisfying and, well, the way she gave herself to me once I kissed her pretty much confirmed my thoughts.  To be very honest, the pussy was better than I could have imagined it to be; when I went down on her, it was some of the best pussy I’d ever tasted and her response was also better than what I was used to – not that other responses were bad, mind you, but I had been wondering what it would be like to eat Megan and imagining her response… and reality wasn’t even close to what I had imagined.

When I slid my dick into her, she was so tight and wet and hot!  She clung to me as I fucked her slowly and I could feel her continuing to cum, the inner walls of her pussy rippling against the thick shaft of my dick.  In a word, it was fucking amazing…

I came long and hard into her and the look on her face at that moment is one I will remember forever as I continued to fuck into her until, finally, I wasn’t hard enough to stay in her.

“What did you do that for?” she asked – and it was all I could do not to laugh – but I told her why; I’m not sure she actually believed me or not but I told her to talk to my wife and that I’d go get her.

When I got to the bedroom, my wife was sitting there smiling like that Cheshire cat – I knew she could hear us fucking – and she said, “Thank you” then went down to explain it all to her friend – then both of them came back upstairs and climbed into bed with me.

I knew from that moment that everything had changed; I just didn’t know the full extent of it.  Maybe this was gonna be something that lasted for just a little while; I mean, what guy doesn’t dream of having two women to love and fuck?  But what I thought would only last a couple of weeks wound up lasting more than twenty years, ladies and gentlemen.  It made having an open relationship and even playing pale in comparison and, no, it really ain’t as easy as one might think… but there are also many rewards in finding yourself in this kind of relationship; likewise, there are many lessons to be learned about everyone involved in such a relationship and I found that I had to unlearn everything I’d ever learned about being in a relationship in favor of this new and strange dynamic.

It was better than swinging, better than being able to go out and fuck at will and better than being married to just one woman.  To be sure, it comes with a boatload of problems, too; after all, you are dealing with two different women, different emotions, stuff like that and there were times when I really regretted doing that favor for my wife… but if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t hesitate one bit…